How I Became a Christian

Here is how I used to tell my testimony – the story of how I came to know God:

“I grew up in a christian family in a small but beautiful town on the south coast of England. Because we went to church, I knew quite a lot about the bible and called myself a christian. But my faith was really more my parents’ than my own – which I did not really see as a problem, because I didn’t know what more there could be.

When I was six I started to get bullied at school, and this never stopped until I left school at 18. A lot of it was verbal bullying, which was horrible, but it often was worse. There were two particularly awful incidences when I was 14 – once I was whipped with bamboo, and another time they put a stick in a fire until it was glowing red and burnt my legs with it. The thing is, I let it happen, because I believed that this was how I should be treated.

For so much of my life, the message I had gotten from everyone at school was that I was worthless, and I even believed that my family though this too, and did not love me. Because of this, it is not really surprising that I had both depression and anxiety, starting from when I was about 13, but probably even before that. And this affected every aspect of my life. It broke down my relationship with my parents, and my younger siblings lived walking on the eggshells of my emotions. I tried to find self-worth by dating a string of guys – some of whom were really great people, but one was emotionally abusive, and I still felt worthless. I stopped physically looking after myself properly, because I didn’t feel like I deserved my basic needs being met.

Due to my upbringing, I sort of knew that there was a God, and he was supposed to love people. I had heard that Jesus died on the cross to save us. But I had never heard that he specifically loved me, and because of my illness I couldn’t imagine that he would, because I was unlovable, and worthless. When I was 17, this illness reached its worst. I honestly believe that at this point, I had at most weeks to live. I had finally accepted that I was really unwell, and had seen a doctor, but the NHS wasn’t going to be able to provide the treatment I needed for 6-8 months. So one morning I went on a dog walk, and was planning how to kill myself. And it seems ridiculous, but there were these really ugly concrete benches. And this morning, they were covered in the most beautiful frost. And in that moment, God pointed me to these benches, and I saw how with just a little bit of water he could make them so beautiful. And seeing this, I started to believe he could do something even more incredible with me.

This was the beginning of me having a real and personal relationship with God. I started to understand that God loves me exactly as I am, because he made me. Gradually, over the next year, he healed me. And he did it in such a way that I became closer and closer to him, and I started to read the bible for myself and realise how incredible what it says is: God loves each and every one of us so much that he was willing to die for us, because he wants a relationship with us.

For me, this has completely changed my life. I am now completely healthy. I am living in a beautiful city hundreds of miles away from that little town. I am surrounded by many friends, with the kinds of friendships I’d never dared dream were possible. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents. Most importantly, I live in the knowledge that God loves me, and nothing I can do can change that. The bible phrases it this way: ”

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8v38-9